Colour and sounds of working in care Part 2

Part 2

I could go on and on about being a care worker, which I was for 20+ years I could use lots of  language that may upset my potential customers. So, I am going to try not to swear to much but apologies if one drops in now again.

Care is still what drives me to do what I do. I hope to ensure who I meet will be great at supporting people who are classed as vulnerable and require care. We should share our experiences it’s an amazing but bloody hard job. It’s not valued as much as it should be, and it needs to be. I hear so often about poor staff retention and not being able to fill positions there has to be a reason for this and its time to do some work on finding out why.

I was a young 18-year-old when I first moved to Cambridge on my own for a job in social care. It was my ambition to work in care from when I was 14 and so I went to college for 2 years and then got my first care job in Cambridge. I remember the interview and there were quite a few candidates but was so pleased when I go the job. I moved from home on my own and started my career in care. Part one tells you about my experiences of the first day.

I loved it even though it was so time consuming. I found myself just going in and getting on with empowering the people I supported. I would ensure they knew I was there to support and enable at times with some interesting and noisy outcomes. I wouldn’t say it was all fun there were moment when I was younger where I struggled with my own ability to speak up and stand up for people.

I made a choice at 20 to have children and left the company for 5 years going back a very different person. I had grown as an individual and seemed more able to speak up and I did which meant I was able to be brave enough to speak up about a poor manager. That changed the lives of the people I was supporting in such a positive way but had a positive effect on me also.

I have had the honour of supporting people who have learning disabilities to develop and achieve independence as many levels and I value my input and the input that the people have had that I worked with over the years. I was lucky enough to work for a company that had many supported living homes on one site within a small village. we were a tight knit team and would ensure that there was full social inclusion both between the support living homes and the local community.

The growth in the people I supported is what drove me to continue and to then go onto become a Senior to deputy manager to a registered manager. I saw every level as a step to my ambition of being a manager that could make a difference. I had an amazing team of young and older people who were committed to providing a support service that was focused on people being a valued member of the community. We did that, we did somethings that were new and never achieved before. We sometimes think we can support people to the end of life, but this is not always the case, if someone reaches 65 and still in supported living at one point they would have been transferred to the ‘older persons team and potentially moved to an elderly residential home. Which was not in my opinion the best option. So, we worked hard to ensure the people we supported had a home for life. I had a great team to work with. We changed the registration and ensured we had the staffing levels and equipment to ensure we could meet the needs. So, we did it we ensure that if someone was unwell and at end of life we enabled them to stay and die in their own home.  I have to say that being with the persons family and support them was very valuable. I was able to see someone be settled with loved ones around them. I remember on person we supported and being with the family after he died and the family saying ‘mother always said he would be a tall man in death’ the person we supported had scoleosis but when he died his family found comfort in seeing him that way.  It was one of my best achievements in my career and will always stay with me.

All these journeys that we go through are as important as each other.  (think I might be waffling). As carers/trainers/managers etc we have an impact in all we do so for those days that are hard look back and remember the good ones.

So now that I am training I use all the experience I have had. All the noises and colours of living to ensure the training is interesting and honest. Training for me is about reality of life and living well with the support of people who want to enable you.



January is Over

Well what has January done for us lately? Well, business was good and looks like its taking us into February positively.

However, Grumpy saga’s still continue (reminder grumpy is my father) he has had 3 admissions to the hospital and another 3 discharge letters that are unhelpful, not clear and sadly the last one not factual. How is it someone goes into hospital for one thing and comes out with something else and really not seeming any better well in fact potentially worse? With the discharge letter leaving out vital information for the GP.

This time for my mother the experiene was distressing with a Doctor shouting at her and a Nurse (head nurse I believe) being rude, snappy and unhelful to my mother unless oddly if others were there. With the lack of understanding within Dementia and the need for my mother to be there to help so as my father does not get distressed. I don’t understand this and I clearly did not see any understanding of his needs both physically and emotionally.  What fustrates me is we have completed a THIS IS ME write up to tell them about how he is, his history, his needs, his capabilities but I am not even sure they bothered reading it.

Of course on looking at the CQC report I am not surprised the hospital is inadequate and the fact that it took me to tell them to place a fluid chart in place before they did.

So why am I writing this and not naming and shaming well thats because my mother would not like that as she is very much appreciative of the NHS and of the hard work some do but also there is no point as it seems not even CQC have responded to a complaint  I put in. I am therefore writing it for me. I am writing to just show that we need to try to speak up get a voice and say no to poor practice, poor empathy from people who should know better. I am writing because I want to know when Grumpy has to go back in that I know he is having the best care they can possibly give and that they consider my mother and emotional wellbeing.
What this hospital lack or at least now 2 of the 3 wards my father was on are the 6c’s which are:







These a key principles not hard, nothing you need to be taught really, things that we should expect and things I remind people of when I do in house training.

So where are we now with grumpy, well he is home. mother is managing and is doing as always and amazing job. Best put that she would do better if the council came and got a bed that has been stood in her garden for nearly 2 months. 

Mother his helped by some (what should I call?)  gentle jibes through the facebook group Grumpy’s groupies. It have got worse by the way with the content to bad that I can not screenshot much of it. This group continues to do its job of light relief and offloading. Its important to know when you need to be serious and when you can just show how nuts you are as that is what this group is about. ‘Its not all about Grumpy’. It has to be about our mum, our grandma it has to be to ensure she is kept up beat in times of adversity.

So bravely I share some of the content.

As you can see its so wrong but for my mother it is so right its her place and she gains so much as do we. Try it. Caring is hard butcan be made easier with the right support and right dose of nuttiness.


Hey feel free to share you groups. Smiling and laughing is important. Take care of each other, speak up and be the persons voice and know your rights.

Book time

Been thinking about this for a while and as some of you may know Pull up a chair and lets talk care comes from an ambition of mine to write a book inspired by my beautiful friend Valerie who died just over 12 year ago. I did do some initial writing for the book but then found it to be not the right time.

However, in bed last night I was thinking about my Mother and Father (grumpy) and how things have been rather hectic, challenging, upsetting and just exhausting for all. My thoughts led to me think of how our family and the young children and how we are all going to be seeing Grumpy change and how this maybe distressing at times.

So firstly I thought as an adult I will be able to research and look up what the process maybe for some with Dementia but the chidren may need something more simple and real to allow them to digest the changes in a different way. There are lots of books out their for children but I want it to be personal for them. So, I have actually commenced writing a potential children’s book. I know where did that come from?

I sat on my phone in the notes section and commenced thinking of what I would want them to know and how to place a positive on the changes.

So all just watch this space this may be something I just do for my family. My daughter Lauren is also going to be part of the writing process (she is so much more articulate in her words and also she is a great proof reader).

Hey what is there to lose apart from time of course but I have that so ideal time to have a go.

Be ready and I hope that I do it. I will keep you updated.



3FBD670A-D848-4029-A4E9-9C89D529F51DIf people have read some of my blogs in recent times you will know my Mother is the carer for my father who has many health conditions including a recent diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. Last night at 9pm he showed signs of being unwell and needed some medical attention. My mother is 70 years old and she wakes every day at 5:30am – sometimes even after not having a good night sleep. Since the diagnosis, dad can get unsettled and have some obsessions.

After making the first call at 9am it took until 2am for medical attention to arrive at their home (not a complaint as it was a busy night for the services), so by time dad was taken in and settled they did not leave the hospital until 6am. As you’ve probably realised, this is over 24 hours since my mother woke up – over 24 hours without sleep, for a 70 year old. She never once complained once though, she just got on with it and took it all in her stride – because that’s who she is.

My mother (who at this point had my sister, Joanna with her) had been awake over 24 hours. So as I write this I am hoping she is sleeping and hope that my dad is being looked after well by any nurses or doctors. We have as usual all come together to support and make sure she has someone with her and we are thankful for the family we have.

My mother will wake and just continue.

She is a carer, but, ultimately, she is a wife who loves her husband and who wants him to be safe, well and have a meaningful life – a meaningful life with her. So she finds the strength to carry on being the best carer that she is, every single day.

So, from all us groupies and all the others in our mad, slightly odd and special family, we appreciate you and what you do mum. We love you and thank you for showing us what love is and how we should care and love through adversity.

I would personally like to thank Joanna for staying with you and making sure you drove ok (terrible back seat driver).

So today, anyone out there who is a carer of a loved one, know that we are grateful, we value your courage and strength. We know you won’t ask for help but know the help is there. Know that we see your tiredness and hear your weariness. We know its bloody hard, it’s frustrating and sometimes it’s like being in a nightmare. We know you do this because you love and you feel you must to do what is best for yur family – you need to know your loved one is safe and cared for after all.

You do what you do so well that we are all in awe of you. We all hope that we will grow in our own strength. We know you are the role model. If we could, we would bottle who you are, so we could share it around to all who are vulnerable so everyone gets equal quality care. You are who should be training our carers of today, you are the training material we need. YOU ARE THE REALITY OF CARE AND CARING.

Grumpies Groupies (WHY OH WHY)

The name of a small family group which was set up to chat and keep each other informed regarding my father (AKA GRUMPY). My mother set up the group (she has become a great user of facebook sometimes embarrassingly) she though it would be good to be able to let us know to be aware when she needs a nap in the day and so the idea was to post things like bad night so phone silence. Or grumpy not great today, etc etc. So all about gumpy.

Well interestingly its sort of turned into a group of women discussing life, issue, concerns, comfort, love and honestly. Well sort of but in reality its got gossip, good news stories, current affairs, just basic bitching and offloading of being a parent at times for some. I should say but if of the sensitive nature you maybe offended with some of the language and discussions I am going to share with you.

Oh with some of the members they have learnt how to add GIF’s and the joy of that can be that a whole evening communication is just through the art of GIPH’s its a GIPH OFF.


So as the start:

So all in all not a bad start within a group know check how Grumpy is and check how Mum/Grandma is dealing with things and if we can be of morale support.

However, here is the opposite to what the start was:

Now I know the language and content is terrible and I can only appologies, I will be sharing more and they will make your hair curl but do you know what this is my mothers life line.

We were able to respond at the weekend quickly when mum posted a video on how Grumpy was so confused and unwell it meant that she got people round to help quickly and to support her to call for assistance and get medical attention for Grumpy.  So here is how it helps:

No Grumpy is home with a camera in his bedroom for mum to keep and eye on him. We managed to keep everyone informed and it worked.

So I will share more insights at a later date, but on a serious note, remember to check on each other support the person who has to support their loved one 24/7. Remember they need to be able to laugh through the hard times and realise life goes on even when thing are hard. Everyone one needs to be given a laugh and at the moment the Grumpy’s groupies are full on with the messages today to the point I am struggling to get my work done.

So enjoy the snippets as I say there are more and here are the ones from today:

My family support group we look after each other. Sort of

Time to have a walk and go back to taking photos

Hello Sunday

Pleased to have been and enjoyed a walk aroung Anglesey Abbey, loving the colours that are still vibrant and some surprising flowers still hanging in there but also some that are just sprouting. Loved the walk still no closer to a decision on the blog but some lovely chances to take a few photos.

Hope you enjoy browsing.


Untitled today is about not being able to put my finger on what I wish to share but knowing I need to at least try.  I think I have lost the the WHY for this site and so I am in the process of deciding. Until then  I may not have a lot to post to share.

I could share the trials of my mother and father which have been interesting but is that what my blog was for? Or do I need to re-vamp altogether if so what do I want to gain from the blogging? I don’t want to continue to feel that my blog is untitled but at present it is and I now need to decide.

These are my ideas:

Blog soley about care and what experiences I have and other have.

Blog for resource sharing?

Blog that incoropates the journey we are going to go on with my father (AKA Grumpy)/

Blog to look at training and assessing within care.


Or do I make it a mixture and do something like a month on each?

Also I need to find out my WHY!


HAPPY FRIDAY (just a quick post)

Hello Friday. Within the care industry there is not the Hello Friday feel for many as they may still have the weekend to work. So to those who are finishing their working week go and relax and try to focus on something just for you.

For those who are not yet finished or just starting their working week I hope you are ready to go out and smile at the people you support and hopefully they join in and make the time as interactive as possible so that when you leave to go home or to your next call or to your next patient that you have left them feeling good and content.

Remember you maybe the only person someone sees or you maybe the last person that this person sees so please make the most of your time. I know its hard work but don’t allow the people you support feel a burden. Be Happy be caring and be empathetic. It could be you one day needing the support. So go out there and do what you can and just know you are VALUED and I thank you for doing a great job. #happyfriday #care

sunrise at its best

Quality of Life (what does this mean)?

I was in the process of writing my blogs when a question from a conversation I had had with my mother that morning  crossed my mind.

That question was – Quality of life, what does it mean to people?

During the conversation with my mother we spoke about my fathers’ current health and his recovery after a recent bout of pneumonia, which then led to diagnosis of emphysema. I should add at this stage that he has also got Alzheimer’s.

Currently he is taking a medication for his Alzheimer’s, as well as steroids to help his lungs. This combination of medicine, my mother has explained to me, has made my father more awake, engaged in TV and films and less confused.

However, she is concerned that since today is the last day of his steroids, he will decline again and she will end up rushing back and forth to hospital.

So I said then maybe they should look at giving the steroids full time if he does go downhill; as quality of life is so important.

My family knows that my dad will deteriorate, and know what to expect. We will ensure that his choice are respected, and that we all love him as we always have.

Yet, whilst we must ensure that he has quality of life, we must never forget that my mother (his main carer) is entitled to her own quality of life.

Of course she is happy he seems much more aware and awake, but it has  impacted on  her ‘quiet time’ as she calls it. In the past she would assist dad to bed and then have time for herself to surf the net, embarrass us on Facebook and to watch ‘Hollyoaks’ but at the moment she isn’t having that. She confided in me that she was feeling Guilty about feeling Selfish for wanting her ‘quiet time’

But do you know what she isn’t selfish and she has every right to have a Quality of life also.

As a loving, and caring, carer, who looks after her Husband each and every hour, of each and everyday. She should not feel selfish, if her ‘quite time’ is disturbed.

It’s this  ‘quite time’ that enables her to recharge her batteries, have a bit of ‘Me Time’, and is vital for her own well being, health and mental health.

It is critically important that she is able to communicate her thoughts and feelings and not be judged, but instead be listened to and supported.

I believe quality of life is key to my dads and mums continued happiness. My mum will ensure my dads quality of life, my family must support and listen to my mother to make sure that she has her.

That support is vital to all carers in this world.

Don’t forget to care for the carer. Don’t let them silently blend into the background.

So in conclusion I feel quality of life to me is about:

• Maintaining identity: ‘See who I am!’
• Sharing decision-making: ‘Involve me!’
• Creating community: ‘Connect with me!’

For both the person who is being cared for and the carer

Let me know what you think? Share your understanding please.