3FBD670A-D848-4029-A4E9-9C89D529F51DIf people have read some of my blogs in recent times you will know my Mother is the carer for my father who has many health conditions including a recent diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. Last night at 9pm he showed signs of being unwell and needed some medical attention. My mother is 70 years old and she wakes every day at 5:30am – sometimes even after not having a good night sleep. Since the diagnosis, dad can get unsettled and have some obsessions.

After making the first call at 9am it took until 2am for medical attention to arrive at their home (not a complaint as it was a busy night for the services), so by time dad was taken in and settled they did not leave the hospital until 6am. As you’ve probably realised, this is over 24 hours since my mother woke up – over 24 hours without sleep, for a 70 year old. She never once complained once though, she just got on with it and took it all in her stride – because that’s who she is.

My mother (who at this point had my sister, Joanna with her) had been awake over 24 hours. So as I write this I am hoping she is sleeping and hope that my dad is being looked after well by any nurses or doctors. We have as usual all come together to support and make sure she has someone with her and we are thankful for the family we have.

My mother will wake and just continue.

She is a carer, but, ultimately, she is a wife who loves her husband and who wants him to be safe, well and have a meaningful life – a meaningful life with her. So she finds the strength to carry on being the best carer that she is, every single day.

So, from all us groupies and all the others in our mad, slightly odd and special family, we appreciate you and what you do mum. We love you and thank you for showing us what love is and how we should care and love through adversity.

I would personally like to thank Joanna for staying with you and making sure you drove ok (terrible back seat driver).

So today, anyone out there who is a carer of a loved one, know that we are grateful, we value your courage and strength. We know you won’t ask for help but know the help is there. Know that we see your tiredness and hear your weariness. We know its bloody hard, it’s frustrating and sometimes it’s like being in a nightmare. We know you do this because you love and you feel you must to do what is best for yur family – you need to know your loved one is safe and cared for after all.

You do what you do so well that we are all in awe of you. We all hope that we will grow in our own strength. We know you are the role model. If we could, we would bottle who you are, so we could share it around to all who are vulnerable so everyone gets equal quality care. You are who should be training our carers of today, you are the training material we need. YOU ARE THE REALITY OF CARE AND CARING.


Grumpies Groupies (WHY OH WHY)

The name of a small family group which was set up to chat and keep each other informed regarding my father (AKA GRUMPY). My mother set up the group (she has become a great user of facebook sometimes embarrassingly) she though it would be good to be able to let us know to be aware when she needs a nap in the day and so the idea was to post things like bad night so phone silence. Or grumpy not great today, etc etc. So all about gumpy.

Well interestingly its sort of turned into a group of women discussing life, issue, concerns, comfort, love and honestly. Well sort of but in reality its got gossip, good news stories, current affairs, just basic bitching and offloading of being a parent at times for some. I should say but if of the sensitive nature you maybe offended with some of the language and discussions I am going to share with you.

Oh with some of the members they have learnt how to add GIF’s and the joy of that can be that a whole evening communication is just through the art of GIPH’s its a GIPH OFF.


So as the start:

So all in all not a bad start within a group know check how Grumpy is and check how Mum/Grandma is dealing with things and if we can be of morale support.

However, here is the opposite to what the start was:

Now I know the language and content is terrible and I can only appologies, I will be sharing more and they will make your hair curl but do you know what this is my mothers life line.

We were able to respond at the weekend quickly when mum posted a video on how Grumpy was so confused and unwell it meant that she got people round to help quickly and to support her to call for assistance and get medical attention for Grumpy.  So here is how it helps:

No Grumpy is home with a camera in his bedroom for mum to keep and eye on him. We managed to keep everyone informed and it worked.

So I will share more insights at a later date, but on a serious note, remember to check on each other support the person who has to support their loved one 24/7. Remember they need to be able to laugh through the hard times and realise life goes on even when thing are hard. Everyone one needs to be given a laugh and at the moment the Grumpy’s groupies are full on with the messages today to the point I am struggling to get my work done.

So enjoy the snippets as I say there are more and here are the ones from today:

My family support group we look after each other. Sort of

HAPPY FRIDAY (just a quick post)

Hello Friday. Within the care industry there is not the Hello Friday feel for many as they may still have the weekend to work. So to those who are finishing their working week go and relax and try to focus on something just for you.

For those who are not yet finished or just starting their working week I hope you are ready to go out and smile at the people you support and hopefully they join in and make the time as interactive as possible so that when you leave to go home or to your next call or to your next patient that you have left them feeling good and content.

Remember you maybe the only person someone sees or you maybe the last person that this person sees so please make the most of your time. I know its hard work but don’t allow the people you support feel a burden. Be Happy be caring and be empathetic. It could be you one day needing the support. So go out there and do what you can and just know you are VALUED and I thank you for doing a great job. #happyfriday #care



sunrise at its best

Quality of Life (what does this mean)?

I was in the process of writing my blogs when a question from a conversation I had had with my mother that morning  crossed my mind.

That question was – Quality of life, what does it mean to people?

During the conversation with my mother we spoke about my fathers’ current health and his recovery after a recent bout of pneumonia, which then led to diagnosis of emphysema. I should add at this stage that he has also got Alzheimer’s.

Currently he is taking a medication for his Alzheimer’s, as well as steroids to help his lungs. This combination of medicine, my mother has explained to me, has made my father more awake, engaged in TV and films and less confused.

However, she is concerned that since today is the last day of his steroids, he will decline again and she will end up rushing back and forth to hospital.

So I said then maybe they should look at giving the steroids full time if he does go downhill; as quality of life is so important.

My family knows that my dad will deteriorate, and know what to expect. We will ensure that his choice are respected, and that we all love him as we always have.

Yet, whilst we must ensure that he has quality of life, we must never forget that my mother (his main carer) is entitled to her own quality of life.

Of course she is happy he seems much more aware and awake, but it has  impacted on  her ‘quiet time’ as she calls it. In the past she would assist dad to bed and then have time for herself to surf the net, embarrass us on Facebook and to watch ‘Hollyoaks’ but at the moment she isn’t having that. She confided in me that she was feeling Guilty about feeling Selfish for wanting her ‘quiet time’

But do you know what she isn’t selfish and she has every right to have a Quality of life also.

As a loving, and caring, carer, who looks after her Husband each and every hour, of each and everyday. She should not feel selfish, if her ‘quite time’ is disturbed.

It’s this  ‘quite time’ that enables her to recharge her batteries, have a bit of ‘Me Time’, and is vital for her own well being, health and mental health.

It is critically important that she is able to communicate her thoughts and feelings and not be judged, but instead be listened to and supported.

I believe quality of life is key to my dads and mums continued happiness. My mum will ensure my dads quality of life, my family must support and listen to my mother to make sure that she has her.

That support is vital to all carers in this world.

Don’t forget to care for the carer. Don’t let them silently blend into the background.

So in conclusion I feel quality of life to me is about:

• Maintaining identity: ‘See who I am!’
• Sharing decision-making: ‘Involve me!’
• Creating community: ‘Connect with me!’

For both the person who is being cared for and the carer

Let me know what you think? Share your understanding please.





What’s next, What can I do?

Today I am sat at home, waiting  to do some one to one session with learners (working from home), had appointments booked in but sadly not one completed at the moment and its gone 12:00 (tick tock). However, I have had an interesting call about a new idea for a support site and I am now questioning what I want to do next.

Don’t get me wrong assessing in general is a good job and it fits with my life but like today, I have not had a session completed, sadly people not picking up the phone, no work to mark so in some sense it becomes hard to ensure someone’s learning journey is consistent and meaningful. Commitment sometimes is lacking or schedules change in care and people just don’t let me know.

So I am now sat here thinking (cogs turning, head full).

My ultimate goal was to go into more training, motivational sessions to get people to buy into the care and how to be the best. I wanted to get a community talking about care but not sure how.

I see the best but some times not the so good (poor practice and care). I set up my Facebook page and this blog to try to get a community talking and sharing their stories but to be honest its not working. Have less then 100 likes on FB page which if you consider the amount of people in care that’s just nothing. Followers on word-press I have 21. Is this because I don’t use profanities, I do a blow by blow log of my day, is it because people just don’t talk about care or is it people in care just don’t have the time.

So where am I going wrong? What do I need to do?  Where do I go from here?


Story of a Care worker

Care is amazing but hard please value the ones who do the job.

Over the years I have met so many care workers so great, exceptional, amazing, passionate, driven to provide the best of care and then the ones that are not all of the previous comments. Carers from all over the world who are committed to supporting our most vulnerable, yes I am not blinkered to the poor care out there but its getting better and we are more vocal at the poor care now.

So many experiences I have been lucky to have had,  from supporting independence to enabling someone to die at home with their loved ones. Every moment just as important as another.

I have been through the saddest of time and then the times that has been utter joy. Each experience has left a mark on me and has made me who I am today when I go and do assessing/training for people who work in care. I focus on my learning through experience and try to impart some experience on others. I am always passionate   about care because this is one of the most important industry you could work in.

I think back at times and remember by first day of walking into a Big House in the Village of Milton in Cambridge (Edmund House), it was an old building which would be classed as an institute but Mencap were working hard to alter the care/support for people. I came at a time that I was able to be part of that. Watching the development of a more independent and inclusive provision. I was 18 just finished college in Scunthorpe and thrown headlong into the world of care. IT WAS A MASSIVE LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE!!!

I have met along the way people who have made an impact on me some for the good and some for the wrong reasons. However, I love the care world, I have faith in the care world, regardless of society not respecting or noticing the hard work carers do. We pay the minimum wage to the people who are caring for our most vulnerable but they do it in spite of that.

I want to continue to try to value and get others to value care and therefore I may change my page to something more inclusive. I have not been able to have the impact I wanted and now it back to the drawing board to think about how I get care out there as a positive. I want a community who are not afraid to share their stories and to share the advice so time for change I think.

Care needs a voice and I may try to get it one.

So please come on and pull up a chair and talk about care. Talk about everything you want to. Open the can and lets not place the lid back on lets just share our experiences and stories that will make people smile and see the positives.

Scary times being OUT and as a definite IN I worry for care, training and all the people who care regardless of what country you are from you do a vital job.

Take this as a bloody big thank you from me. pooh

Dementia book…..

Morning all

Day off today and I aim to spend it doing things for me I hope. Firstly cleaning so that weekend I can relax and next will be to (well what I am doing now) update blog and Facebook page. I will then venture to do as requested by my lovely man and go purchase some clothes or shoes with my gorgeous daughter.

So as the 2nd job is to update this page I thought I would share a book that I have just seen on the Alzheimer’s page on Facebook and I know you out there in blog world will have people you know who are suffering in the darkness of this disease call dementia and all its strains.



I hope you find the book a worthwhile read.

Hope all of you out there that are struggling to support and care for loved ones with dementia will gain something.

There are many things out there to help please share any of your thoughts. To give guidance and support I hope you are finding what you need X

My Facebook page is there just to use as a sounding board if need be for gaining advice or just sharing stories and experiences. Also if you find a resource for care. Not just dementia like care ever type of care we do out there.

Please check out my Facebook page,


Sharing our stories is a way of giving value to those that support individuals, the media is quick to jump on all the positive stories but we need to see some of those good news stories in care that are out there. I know they exist just people seem to focus on negatives.


Professor Winston is really all that.

Wow! what a great day today I have had at work, well not exactly at work, at a conference with an amazing guest Professor Winston. He was simply brilliant, inspiring and just simply engaging. What he had to say about health care was spot on and that there is a way to go to get it right and we can not really plan to what will happen. Yes people are living longer and therefore more care is going to be required. One of the most heart wrenching but comforting things he shared was that there is proof that someone who maybe in a coma or lost due to another condition can seemingly hear you. So those words you say have to be caring, loving, nurturing and encouraging when talking to someone who is silent.

So as I see it, time is now to get care right, to improve care for all, to nurture potential that is out there and value the people who are caring and supporting our most very vulnerable people (our loved ones). Yes! I hear the cry there are many carers who do an amazing job but why are you not telling people about it and sharing these good news stories. The requirements need to be changed to not have people just relevantly trained we need people properly trained, from 16 onwards to provide care. Soft skills (how to communicate, how to work as team and what values are) are just as important as knowing how to administer medication for one example. I am not saying you need a degree but I am saying you need some formal training to support people. You need to show you can support someone in a way they want to be cared for or supported. Lets hear peoples needs and lets observe what they want.

The other day I wrote a poem but after today I changed it. I hope it resonates with people (I am not a poet or writer so please bare with).

Please see me

When you look at me

What do you see?

When you talk to me

What do you hear?

Can you see me?

Can you hear me?

All I ask is,

See me

Hear me

Don’t ignore me

Know that what you say I can hear

I maybe silent but I am here.

I am not who I was

I am not who I thought I was

I am lost

I am hidden

So I ask you

Please look at me

Please see me

Please talk to me

I wish I could answer.

Please listen hard

Please seek me out, I am here.

Please see past my silence

See past the shell

See me for who I was and not just who I am now.

Care and what does is mean?

Care Definition:

The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something:the care of the elderly, the child is in the care of her grandparents healthcare


For me care is about enabling, supporting, reassuring and protecting people. I know there are lots of amazing carers out there who do a tireless job (some not even seeing it as a job).

My mother cares for my father she puts all her energy and love into ensuring they have a good life together enabling and supporting him to enjoy every aspect of life by making their time together full of experiences.She values every moment she has and never ever looks back.

I have 2 friends who care for their boys who have difficulties and do it with warm hearts and open minds, not expecting the world to see them  but I see them both, their time is filled with caring for these boys who need their full attention but never do they regret being there for them or regret having them just as they are.

Me well my job was to care, within the care sector supporting individuals with Learning disabilities to fulfil what they needed or wanted within their lives, not always positive moments (at times a little shocking) but mainly moments that will stay with me, moments of achievement and rewards, moments of sadness and joy, moments that would make your hair curl but never ever did I regret my choice of career. I actually used to love my job even though it was full on and there was a lot of battles that I tried to fight on their behalf (some we won as a team).  What I worry about is that now in the job I do I don’t see many people who have the same ethos or compassion about supporting people out there who are vulnerable, yes there are some who are out there who love their job and doing amazingly but surely this should not be a few it should be most.

So I ask you what is care to you and how can we nurture new carers to give the BEST they can to people who need our BEST. Is it about qualification as I don’t think it is.


It was a real DAY OFF! :)

Well for a number of years my day off would consist of working to catch up but today I actually had a day off.  I relaxed in bed until after 9 am (this does not happen often), I got up watched TV, which included the Great British Bake off. Listened to smooth radio whilst relaxed in the bath (no longer a gorilla 🙂 ). Went for a walk along the riverside and enjoyed my hobby of photography. Then back home to yet again to relax and listen to music. Days off are great when you actually don’t work. So a word to all you people who worry about targets, deadlines and getting behind, just stop and enjoy the day, take a moment to do your hobby or interest or just stay in bed.

Value the DAY OFF!P1110473 (2) P1110485 (2) P1110492 (2) P1110493 (2) P1110496 (2)