Loss and what you can expect!

Loss is such a unique experience for each person.

Sometimes we hear the news and immediately scream with sadness. Sometimes we start moving at hyper speed and make all the calls to inform people. Sometimes we are at a standstill, with no actually understanding what has just been relayed to us.

It’s unique. Unique to every person.

One thing I know, is that no-one can tell you how to feel or how you should be feeling. They can’t tell you to stop feeling or feel more. It is something that must happen when and as it wants. It must be organic.

Sometimes, you might feel the need to put on a façade. Sometimes you may hold back those feelings, simply because you don’t have the capacity to deal with them. Sometimes, loss brings anger – and that anger may have to be withheld.

Loss has a way of placing you in a state of turmoil, a turmoil that flits from one emotion to another within seconds. All I know is you can’t fully control it. It doesn’t run on a timeline, it doesn’t know how to fit into your life and come at the best time – purely because, well, there is no good time for it. That’s why, some people struggle more, some struggle less and some pretend. Many people are already dealing with struggles of their own and when loss appears, it makes it hard to see the wood for the trees.

I have recently been through a loss. Grumpy (my father) who I have spoken about before died 3rd April 2019. He had Alzheimer’s and in truth, I feel we commenced grieving from the day of his diagnosis.

I did not get back home to him in time. Suffice to say, this has affected me immensely. I feel regret.

I wish I could have seen his face one more time, I wanted to hold his hand one more time, I wanted to feel his love one more time. This is a comfort I wanted to give myself. A comfort I think I deserved. It’s not selfish to want this for myself; it is normal. I wanted to say, bye dad, see you later or just plain old love you dad.

I will get through this and I will continue to live the best life I can, but it may be be a little tarnished for a while. Perhaps forever, but that’s okay because at least I am feeling.

What I take from the loss of Grumpy is that in death, there is life. Great good can come from intense sadness and loss and this is exactly what I feel with the loss of my father. Grumpy chose to have his body donated to medical science and my mother tirelessly worked to ensure he got his wish. He could be the bridge between life and death for future generations. He could help scientists find more information about Alzheimer’s to lead them that step close to a cure. Ultimately,I wish he was still here, but only here at his best, at his strongest and at his happiest. I wish he was here to tell us we will be okay, even though I already know we will be. His comfort and huge presence will be missed more than words can explain. This has emphasised a fact I always knew to be true – making memories is the most important thing. So, please, everyone, make them and cherish them. Don’t waste a moment. Memories remain and pain disperses.

Don’t worry about how you feel. Just feel what you feel.

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What gets people to read?

What gets people to read is my question today?

I am thinking of what makes me read something and I am struggling to know what. Here are some of what gets me to read:

  • the intrigue that gets me looking further, the expectation that it’s going to be a SURPRISE!
  • the title that gives me a question to be answered and only can be answered if I continue to read.
  • the expectation of what something is going teach me
  • the fear if I don’t read I will miss out on something that can help me
  • the assumption that I know what something is going to include so I make an informed choice
  • the lack of understanding of a title so it’s a MUST read to see if it’s really what it says on the tin (title)
  • I also like a title that may hold a conspiracy theory
  • lastly I choose if I think I may have an opinion of the topic, if it’s near to my passion.

These are some of the reasons I read certain things and not others. What are your reasons you read articles, posts, tweets or books?